I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
