i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
