In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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