her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
