Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
