Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
