To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
someone owes me an orgasm
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
