Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
