ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
