My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
