I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
