I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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