I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
