I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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