Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
