shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
