The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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