Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
