i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
