The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
