You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
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Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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