i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
