wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
