like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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