Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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