I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
