PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
