Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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