She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
