yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
