She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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