Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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