so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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