I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
