he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I love you. Go after that dick
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
