there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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