I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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