Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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