I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
