I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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