when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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