Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
