FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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