Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
