I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
