I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
