You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
