I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She told me I should be a condom model.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
