He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
