how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
