His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
