Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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