real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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