i permit you to call me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
